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Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Homily at the Memorial Service for Landon Gonzalez



Homily at Memorial Service for Landon
Rev. Megan Collins

Most of you don’t know me. 
I’m Megan, and I’m a pastor at Maitland Presbyterian Church. 
I’m here tonight because I care about Landon’s mom and dad, and his brother and sister. 
I’m here because I care about each of you.
I’m here because when something like this happens, we need all of us to get together. We need to support one another, and we need to talk.

The first thing we need to talk about is that this is hard. Really, really hard. 
For everyone here. Everyone in this room loved Landon. 
He was kind and funny and affectionate.
He loved his friends and playing in the band and playing video games and making funnel cakes. 
He lit up any room he was in and brought joy to all those who knew him. 
There’s no way tonight that we can say enough about him, about what he meant to everyone here. 
Some of you are members of his family. 
Some of you are his friends. 
And some of you are his band friends, which is really a family in its own rite. 
So this is hard. 
Death is always hard, but when it happens like this, it’s different. 
Suicide is different.

It’s harder for us. 
We have so many questions. 
It’s hard to know how to feel. What to say. So let’s start by saying that no matter what you are feeling today, it’s okay. 

Some of you might be feeling really sad. 
A kind of sad that is impossible to really put into words. 
But it takes your breath away. 
Some of you might feel angry, even if you aren’t sure who you are really angry with, but it you feel it gnawing in you.
Some of you have questions that no one can answer and you are frustrated. Some of you aren’t feeling anything. 
You are just ….numb.

Some of you might feel exhausted, or like you can’t think straight, like there is a fuzziness in your
mind that you just can’t shake.
All of those feelings are okay, and really normal, by the way.
Because when you love someone like Landon and then he is gone, it’s going to be hard, for a long time.
Some days will be really difficult. And that’s okay.
And some days may feel a little easier, like you can breathe again.  Or at some point even laugh again.
And that’s okay too.
Grief comes and goes like that, often when we least expect it.
So take it one day at a time.
Or maybe for now one minute a time.

But there is one thing some of you might be thinking that I want to address head on.
I know there is someone here tonight who is thinking that this is at least partly their fault.
You might be wondering if there is something you could have done that would make it so Landon
would still be here. 
Something that maybe you could have said.
If that’s you, look right here, and listen.

This is not your fault.

And blaming yourself isn’t going to make things better.
So, take a deep breath, and let go of any guilt that you are carrying around with you.
There are also some of you here tonight who are struggling so much you aren’t sure how you will get
through it.
That’s okay too.
But maybe it’s time to talk to someone.
If you are feeling like you don’t know how you will get through this, or something else you are facing in your life, if you aren’t sure how you will wake up tomorrow, here is what I want you to know:

You are not alone.
You don’t have to do this alone.
You have friends who want to support you.
But you also have a lot of adults who want to be there for you.

There are parents and grandparents in this room who would do anything for you,
There are counselors at your school who want to talk to you
There are adults you have never met waiting to answer hotlines any hour of the day when you need
them
There are pastors and teachers and coaches who care about you
And you don’t know me. But I care about you too.
If you are thinking tonight that you don’t matter.
You do.
If you are thinking tonight that you will never feel okay again.
You will.
If you are thinking tonight that you really don’t have anyone you can talk to, You do.

I can’t promise I’ll have all the answers. No one does.
Depression and anxiety and the diseases we fight don’t have easy answers.
But I can promise you you aren’t alone.
Because we are here for you.
And God is here for you, too.

We are here in a church, tonight, because this is hard.
We can bring the hardest things we face to God.
We are here in a church because this is a place we can ask difficult questions, not only of one another,
but of God. We can bring all of those emotions to God too - when we are sad or numb or frustrated and
even when we are angry.

God wants us to bring all of that to Him, because He loves you.

We are also here in a church because Landon, and his family, and a lot of us here, believe that in Jesus
Christ we have hope.
We believe that the God of the universe loved each of us. And because God loved us, God came in the
way we needed, as a person named Jesus.
Jesus was a real man, who lived just like we do, who dealt with the same things we do.
And after he died, he rose up from the dead, alive.

Because he wasn’t just a man, he was the Son of God.
Then he promised us that if we love him, when we die we go to heaven to be with him,
as Landon is now.
Because there is nothing that can take away God’s love of us, no question we ask, no emotion we feel,
nothing we do, not even death.

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to
come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us
from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The Rev. Megan Collins, Co-Pastor
Maitland Presbyterian Church
341 N Orlando Avenue Maitland, FL 32751

Suicide Prevention Lifeline Link

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