Matthew 18:15-20New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

15 “If another member of the church[a] sins against you,[b] go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.[c] 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Matthew's gospel reading this morning is one that is often quoted when problems arise in the church. Many Christians refer to this as the “Matt 18” model of conflict resolution. This passage is open to abuse as we are sometimes all too ready to point out others faults. Matthew, however, is concerned with Christian fellowship not judgmental nitpicking. Fellowship is a central idea because it is clear that this is written to a community called to live out their faith together but still dealing with the realities of life. Most of us yearn for a kind of deep human relationship, sometimes we idealize it. Think about how many television shows revolve around relationships, like "Cheers", "Glee", "How I Met Your Mother", "Friends", etc. We yearn for these relationships but we also know how hard they are to achieve. It is easier to live vicariously then living it out ourselves. Life is messy. Most of us have experienced the 'messy' of life this week; our work, home and other obligations all continued as we faced a major hurricane. Our stress and anxiety would come in waves. I went through the cycle of denial, “it won't hit us”, to panic, “ok, I don't know why I am buying 5lbs of potatoes”, to acceptance, “ok, this too shall pass...” Life is like that, as messy and dirty as the swirling storm around us. We often need time to process events that have happened. When we engage in relationship with others, conflict and hurt are inevitable. Like an unexpected storm, relationship can have their own stormy challenges.

Matthew is not only concerned that Christians come to believe the message of the kingdom, but that they understand that it has to be lived out in its messiness. To risk real relationships is to engage those words we too often overuse; authenticity, honesty, risk, accountability. They may be buzz words, but these words should be used carefully. To live in this way requires courage because confrontation can be scary, difficult and challenging. Matthew engages us on two levels, personal, “go to the member of the church”, and corporate, “take one or two along with you.” The goal is unity and our witness to others of that unity. Imagine what can happen with this kind of unity.

Matthew also reminds us that we are not alone in this, even in the midst of our failure and lame attempts at fellowship, Christ is with us. “Where two or three are gathered, I am there.” This can give us great comfort not only in the storm (hurricane Irma) but in the stormy relationships of our lives. For me, this is both a challenge and an admitted area of weakness. On my own, I do not know how to do this, and I often don't have the capacity to do this. I can only desire it, pray for it, and rely totally on the grace of God to bring this fellowship to pass in my life. I can seek the advice of others, and pray for the courage to confront and the humility to listen. I can make overtures to others, and reach out trusting in God's grace to help me overcome my own hurts or fears.

When we partake of the Holy Eucharist, we also proclaim these truths; that Christ is with us, that his Presence meets with us, and that we seek to be in Holy Communion with all the saints. We want to make this a realization in our life. So a few questions for reflection on this Sabbath morning.

How much are we willing to give to have these kinds of relationship?
How difficult is it for you to go to someone and be open and honest?
What practices have you used in the past that has helped you to navigate relationship struggles?
What characteristics are important to have in maintaining healthy spiritual relationships with others?
What teachings of Christ do you find helpful in developing healthy spiritual relationships?
How does the grace of Jesus Christ inform our relationships with others?
How does the authority of the church help us in our interpersonal relationships in the church? (Matt clearly has the church leadership in mind in the "binding and losing" command).
How can we respond when a relationship barriers seem insurmountable or conflict has reached a point where reconciliation doesn't seem possible?
How can we deal with our pride that keep us from going to others and apologizing for a wrong or seeking reconciliation?
In your church are you looking for a place to just blend in, or a place to share our faith with each other? How hard or easy has this been for you?
In areas where reconciliation is not possible, how can Christians move forward while still leaving the door open for future discussions?

Heavenly Father,
you have called us in the Body of your Son Jesus Christ
to continue his work of reconciliation
and reveal you to the world:
forgive us the sins which tear us apart;
give us the courage to overcome our fears
and to seek that unity which is your gift and your will;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,

The Following is a document from the Presbyterian Church (USA) entitled "Seeking to be Faithful Together", It is presented here as a guideline patterned after Matt 18 for conflict resolution in the church:

"Seeking to Be Faithful Together"

Guidelines for Presbyterians During Times of Disagreement
In a spirit of trust and love, we promise we will...

Give them
a hearing... listen before we answer
John 7:51 and Proverbs 18:13

1 Treat each other respectfully so as to build trust, believing that we all desire to be faithful to Jesus the Christ;
- _ we will keep our conversations and communications open for candid and
  forthright exchange,
- _ we will not ask questions or make statements in a way which will intimidate
  or judge others.
2 Learn about various positions on the topic of disagreement.
3 State what we think we heard and ask for clarification before responding, in an effort to be sure we understand each other.

Speak the truth in love
Ephesians 4:15

4 Share our concerns directly with individuals or groups with whom we have disagreements in a spirit of love and respect in keeping with Jesus’ teachings.
5 Focus on ideas and suggestions instead of questioning people’s motives, intelligence or integrity;

_ we will not engage in name-calling or labelling of others prior to, during, or
following the discussion.
6 Share our personal experiences about the subject of disagreement so that others may more fully understand our concerns.

Maintain the
unity of the spirit in the bond of peace
Ephesians 4:3

7 Indicate where we agree with those of other viewpoints as well as where we disagree.
8 Seek to stay in community with each other though the discussion may be vigorous and full of tension;

_ we will be ready to forgive and be forgiven.

9 Follow these additional guidelines when we meet in decision-making bodies:
- _ urge persons of various points of view to speak and promise to listen to these positions seriously;
- _ seek conclusions informed by our points of agreement;
- _ be sensitive to the feelings and concerns of those who do not agree with the
  majority and respect their rights of conscience;
- _ abide by the decision of the majority, and if we disagree with it and wish to
  change it, work for that change in ways which are consistent with these Guidelines.
10 Include our disagreement in our prayers, not praying for the triumph of our viewpoints, but seeking God’s grace to listen attentively, to speak clearly, and to remain open to the vision God holds for us all.