In Loving Memory to our beloved Son Landon James Gonzalez 2001-2018

Eulogy for Landon James Gonzalez

by Rosalyn Gonzalez

Nov 28, 2018

I would first like to thank all of Landon’s friends and family who have gathered together today to honor his memory and life. I would also like to thank anyone gathering to support those who are grieving the loss of Landon, as this burden is not easy to carry. The generosity of people who have poured in from all over has been some of the only light in this dark time. We are grateful for every message of comfort, small favor, and meal generously prepared for us. Despite the pain we are in, the chance to gather around all the lives that Landon had an impact on and share stories, photos, and tears has brought us peace that I never would have believed to be possible.

Landon’s sudden death is shocking to many of you in this room. Not everyone knew about his ongoing battle with depression and anxiety, which took him from us on

November 21st, 2018. This is often the case with suicides, especially when the victims are young, and do not yet have the ability to express the pain they were in. Landon was

sick, and he faced the sickness with bravery and strength. It was difficult to determine what could have healed him, and due to the current state of the mental healthcare system, many more lives are currently at risk. How many more deaths will it take before we take this crisis seriously?

It is more important now than ever to remember that this pain that seems so bottomless, unforgiving, and dark is only a result of the deep love we felt for Landon. He gave so much love and light to us, because of this there is no question that my life, and many lives in this room are now marked as before and after this tragedy. For the rest of my life I will struggle with the knowledge that my brother wasn’t allowed the chance to grow old with us. It is almost unbearably painful to imagine what could have been, and it is easy to be engulfed by this pain and lose sight of what was.

His life seems far too short. There are unanswered questions, and the unavoidable guilt that many of us feel. But Landon lived a full, vibrant life that was buzzing with energy,

laughter and warmth. Landon had exponentially more happy moments than sad ones. By some miracle, I was blessed to be this extraordinary human being’s sister. I was so

lucky to be able to watch him grow, and grow alongside him. Because of this, Landon’s character, courage, and energy for life are sewn into the fiber of my being and my soul,

and this is true for everyone who saw Landon’s light. The amount of laughter and joy he brought into this world far outweighs how short of a time he had.

Landon lived life with a sense of bold, brash fearlessness. When he thought something was funny, everyone within a mile radius of him could hear his screaming laughter. His

ridiculous pranks, handshakes, and jokes are well known among anyone close to him. On top of being deeply sympathetic, and caring for his loved ones and pets, Landon had this remarkable talent and intelligence that was so rare and special. I could go down the list things Landon mastered with ease, we’d be here all night. Despite knowing him my

whole life, it would still surprise me that such a goofy, cheeky kid could sit down and, with ease, create a composition on piano that was prodigious and heartrending. His passion for life was magnetic and contagious.

The most important thing to remember is this. You do not have to be strong. Do not be afraid to admit you are suffering. You are loved. Your life is so incredibly precious, and any pain that you may be in now is temporary, as all things in this world are. These beautiful moments we are fleeting. They pass by and we wonder if we appreciated them enough, when instead we should be focusing on the moments that we have. Love each other, hold each other close, look after each other, and place ourselves into God’s loving embrace.

Crisis services

24/7 Crisis Hotline: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988lifeline.org
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Veterans, press 1 when calling.

Crisis Text Line
Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free, 24/7

Veterans Crisis Line
Send a text to 838255

Vets4Warriors

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline (Substance Abuse)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474

The Trevor Project
1-866-488-7386

Also visit your:

• Primary care provider
• Local psychiatric hospital
• Local walk-in clinic
• Local emergency department
• Local urgent care center

Woodlawn Memorial Park Gotha Florida

Homily at the Memorial Service for Landon Gonzalez

Homily at Memorial Service for Landon

Rev. Megan Collins

Most of you don’t know me. 

I’m Megan, and I’m a pastor at Maitland Presbyterian Church. 

I’m here tonight because I care about Landon’s mom and dad, and his brother and sister. 

I’m here because I care about each of you.

I’m here because when something like this happens, we need all of us to get together. We need to support one another, and we need to talk.

The first thing we need to talk about is that this is hard. Really, really hard. 

For everyone here. Everyone in this room loved Landon. 

He was kind and funny and affectionate.

He loved his friends and playing in the band and playing video games and making funnel cakes. 

He lit up any room he was in and brought joy to all those who knew him. 

There’s no way tonight that we can say enough about him, about what he meant to everyone here. 

Some of you are members of his family. 

Some of you are his friends. 

And some of you are his band friends, which is really a family in its own rite. 

So this is hard. 

Death is always hard, but when it happens like this, it’s different. 

Suicide is different.

It’s harder for us. 

We have so many questions. 

It’s hard to know how to feel. What to say. So let’s start by saying that no matter what you are feeling today, it’s okay. 

Some of you might be feeling really sad. 

A kind of sad that is impossible to really put into words. 

But it takes your breath away. 

Some of you might feel angry, even if you aren’t sure who you are really angry with, but it you feel it gnawing in you.

Some of you have questions that no one can answer and you are frustrated. Some of you aren’t feeling anything. 

You are just ….numb.

Some of you might feel exhausted, or like you can’t think straight, like there is a fuzziness in your

mind that you just can’t shake.

All of those feelings are okay, and really normal, by the way.

Because when you love someone like Landon and then he is gone, it’s going to be hard, for a long time.

Some days will be really difficult. And that’s okay.

And some days may feel a little easier, like you can breathe again.  Or at some point even laugh again.

And that’s okay too.

Grief comes and goes like that, often when we least expect it.

So take it one day at a time.

Or maybe for now one minute a time.

But there is one thing some of you might be thinking that I want to address head on.

I know there is someone here tonight who is thinking that this is at least partly their fault.

You might be wondering if there is something you could have done that would make it so Landon

would still be here. 

Something that maybe you could have said.

If that’s you, look right here, and listen.

This is not your fault.

And blaming yourself isn’t going to make things better.

So, take a deep breath, and let go of any guilt that you are carrying around with you.

There are also some of you here tonight who are struggling so much you aren’t sure how you will get

through it.

That’s okay too.

But maybe it’s time to talk to someone.

If you are feeling like you don’t know how you will get through this, or something else you are facing in your life, if you aren’t sure how you will wake up tomorrow, here is what I want you to know:

You are not alone.

You don’t have to do this alone.

You have friends who want to support you.

But you also have a lot of adults who want to be there for you.

There are parents and grandparents in this room who would do anything for you,

There are counselors at your school who want to talk to you

There are adults you have never met waiting to answer hotlines any hour of the day when you need

them

There are pastors and teachers and coaches who care about you

And you don’t know me. But I care about you too.

If you are thinking tonight that you don’t matter.

You do.

If you are thinking tonight that you will never feel okay again.

You will.

If you are thinking tonight that you really don’t have anyone you can talk to, You do.

I can’t promise I’ll have all the answers. No one does.

Depression and anxiety and the diseases we fight don’t have easy answers.

But I can promise you you aren’t alone.

Because we are here for you.

And God is here for you, too.

We are here in a church, tonight, because this is hard.

We can bring the hardest things we face to God.

We are here in a church because this is a place we can ask difficult questions, not only of one another,

but of God. We can bring all of those emotions to God too - when we are sad or numb or frustrated and

even when we are angry.

God wants us to bring all of that to Him, because He loves you.

We are also here in a church because Landon, and his family, and a lot of us here, believe that in Jesus

Christ we have hope.

We believe that the God of the universe loved each of us. And because God loved us, God came in the

way we needed, as a person named Jesus.

Jesus was a real man, who lived just like we do, who dealt with the same things we do.

And after he died, he rose up from the dead, alive.

Because he wasn’t just a man, he was the Son of God.

Then he promised us that if we love him, when we die we go to heaven to be with him,

as Landon is now.

Because there is nothing that can take away God’s love of us, no question we ask, no emotion we feel,

nothing we do, not even death.

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to

come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us

from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The Rev. Megan Collins, Co-Pastor

Maitland Presbyterian Church

341 N Orlando Avenue Maitland, FL 32751

Suicide Prevention Lifeline Link

A Hymn of Praise: O God Beyond All Praise

O God Beyond All Praise by Michael Perry

Lyrics

O God beyond all praising,
     we worship you today
and sing the love amazing
     that songs cannot repay;
for we can only wonder
     at every gift you send,
at blessings without number
     and mercies without end:
we lift our hearts before you
     and wait upon your word,
we honor and adore you,
     our great and mighty Lord.

The flower of earthly splendor
     in time must surely die,
its fragile bloom surrender
     to you the Lord most high;
but hidden from all nature
     the eternal seed is sown -
though small in mortal stature,
     to heaven's garden grown:
for Christ the Man from heaven
     from death has set us free,
and we through him are given
     the final victory!

Then hear, O gracious Savior,
     accept the love we bring,
that we who know your favor
     may serve you as our king;
and whether our tomorrows
     be filled with good or ill,
we'll triumph through our sorrows
     and rise to bless you still:
to marvel at your beauty
     and glory in your ways,
and make a joyful duty
     our sacrifice of praise.

Presbyterian Hymnbook #431

Glory TO God 2013 John Knox Press

PCUSA Store

A Prayer of General Thanksgiving

Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise
for all that you have done for us.
We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation,
for the beauty of this world, for the wonder of life, 
and for the mystery of love. 

We thank you for the blessing of family and friends,
and for the loving care which surrounds us on every side.

We thank you for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us.

We thank you also for those disappointments and failures
that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone. 

Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; 
for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; 
for his steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation, for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom. 

Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and make him known; and through him, at times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things.  Amen.


From the Book of Common Prayer (1979)

Book of Common Prayer on line

Thomas Aquinas Prayer for Students

True source of light and wisdom,

origin of all being,

graciously let a ray of your light penetrate

the darkness of my understanding.

Take from me the double darkness

in which I have been born,

an obscurity of sin and ignorance.

Give me a keen understanding,

a retentive memory, and

the ability to grasp things

correctly and fundamentally.

Grant me the talent

of being exact in my explanations

and the ability to express myself

with thoroughness and charm.

Point out the beginning,

direct the progress,

and help in the completion.

I ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

St. Thomas Aquinas

For All the Saints

All Saints Sunday celebrated on the first of November has a long tradition in the Christian Calendar dating back to the early church's commemoration of martyrs that died for their faith.  The hymn "For All the Saints" sometimes sung at funerals, is a good hymn to open any All Saints service.  If your church does not hold a service on All Saints day consider the same emphasis on the Sunday closest to the Nov 1.  The book of Hebrews in the eleventh chapter remembers the 'heroes' of the faith.  This is a Sunday to not only remember those that have died in the past year, but to draw encouragement from the many faithful Christians that have come before us.  Below are the words of the hymn.  

For All the Saints

For all the saints who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confess,
Thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress, and their Might;
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well-fought fight;
Thou, in the darkness drear, their one true Light.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Oh, may Thy soldiers, faithful, true and bold,
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old
And win with them the victor's crown of gold.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

O blest communion, fellowship divine,
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
Yet all are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

And when the fight is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

But, lo, there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array;
The King of Glory passes on His way.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

From earth's wide bounds, from ocean's farthest coast,
Through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
Singing to Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

The golden evening brightens in the west;
Soon, soon, to faithful warriors cometh rest.
Sweet is the calm of Paradise the blest.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

copyright in the public domain 

#528 The Presbyterian Hymnal
Sine Nomine 10.10.10
William Walsham How, 1864